First she makes me crazy; then, she makes me proud.

Last Wednesday evening, when I got home, Marlo had already left for cheer practice. I looked around the house. Usually, there are a certain amount of "Marlo droppings" here and there: her shoes, her backpack, the hairspray left on the bathroom counter. This was another matter entirely. It looked like a bomb went off in the house.

I also received Marlo's progress report. Let's just say that one of her grades were less than stellar (although the rest were very good.) I was really upset. Unfortunately, Marlo was out so I really couldn't let her have it. So, I took every single item of hers that was in the living room and piled it on the floor of her room. (For all of you gasping about how horrible of a mother I am, understand that my first inclination was to put her stuff out on the back porch.)

When I picked up Marlo from cheer, I told her that if she didn't get her grade up by Friday and if her room wasn't pristine, she wasn't going to go to the Homecoming dance on Saturday. So, Marlo busts her butt getting her grade up, but doesn't manage having her teacher notify me that her grade was raised. She didn't tell him that I needed an email from him until 2:30 on Friday. He told her, "I don't email parents, I only respond to their emails." She doesn't bother calling or emailing me immediately ("You took my cell phone" was her excuse - not like every other teenager in that school doesn't have a phone). By the time she tells me, it is 4:30 p.m. on Friday. I told her that it was unlikely that her teacher would respond to my email after school hours. She responded, "I told him you needed to know by tomorrow for Homecoming." I replied, "Marlo, your personal tragedy is not your teacher's problem." Needless to say, I didn't get a response from the teacher.

I hate it when she puts me in positions like this - why can't she just behave and I can just live my life without being a hard-ass? Is that so difficult? I stuck to my guns all afternoon on Friday and up to halftime of the Homecoming game. Marlo was out on the track cheering, but every time she came to the sidelines or saw me, she started crying. I had given her a stack of my business cards and she passed them out to every teacher she could find, plus the principal, asking them to contact her teacher so he'd respond to my email. I kept telling myself, "Keep a backbone. Keep a backbone. College is more important than a Homecoming dance." After halftime, Marlo came up and sat next to me, tearing up, of course. She says, "Isn't there anything else I can do?" (Ugh, rip heart out here.)

I said, "Look Marlo, I can't help it that you go to one of the few school districts in the state that doesn't have the ability for parents to look up grades online. I hate being blindsided and getting a progress report telling me that you're failing. You told me that you were all caught up." She said, "Oh! You can get online to look at my grades now!" (This is what happens when school districts rely on teenagers to convey information to parents. You think after all these years, they would figure out that it doesn't work.) So, I made a deal. If she could find out how to get me online, she could go to the dance, pending other punishment for lying to me about her grade. (I'll be doing a whole separate post about Homecoming itself.)

For all of you thinking that my daughter is an ogre, next is the part about where I end up proud of her. Yesterday, I was in the law school library finishing my Motion in Limine and had the following IM conversation with Marlo (I've edited out irrelevant parts):

Roxanne says:
Jamie said you wanted to have John over. My problem with that is that is the punishment I'm considering for you lying to me about having your work caught up. I am still very upset and angry that I keep having to go through this again and again and again. It is supremely frustrating.
Mae says:
I agree can i make a suggestion to punishment? that i am in charge of keeping the house clean for a month and if that doesn't work then take john away. that includes doing all laundry dishes livingroom and kitty litter
Roxanne says:
I don't think you really get the impact on me. I don't sleep, my neck and back feel like they are on fire from the stress. I'm really exhausted and the stress of feeling like you are going to end up being a checker at Safeway is overwhelming to me.
Mae says:
lol trust me i do not see myself futhering my checking career
Roxanne says:
I don't know how to have you understand how critical your grades are.
Mae says:
i do understand but i just get really tired and lazy
Roxanne says:
if you can't get into Western or Central, then your college education will cost me $90,000 more than it should. Which means I have to put off being an international human rights lawyer even longer. I don't think that is fair. I mean, do you want people to continue to be tortured by their governments longer because you're lazy? I have a chance to do something important with my life, and you are going to prevent me from being able to do that. And I'll die having accomplished nothing - a daughter with crummy grades who works retail and chews gum with her mouth open, and having never worked in human rights.
Mae says:
i understand. thats why i didn't tell u about my F and was just trying to handel it myself
Roxanne says:
You are ruining the ONLY TWO REASONS I did this in the first place. (1) your college and (2) working in human rights. I don't need you to lie to me. What I need is for you to handle things in the first place.
Mae says:
I have been focusing on my grades a lot more this year and now i'm almost all caught up in bio so it will be like a fresh start for me. U focus on school. i want you to be a lawyer because it makes u happy. Next time i start to fall behind in a class i will communicate with you
Roxanne says:
You were never caught up after your illness. I asked you specifically and you lied to me.
Mae says:
i understand that and i told u what i think would make a difference. i need to work on being more responsible and i think knowing what you have to do plus school would help. like having to clean up after me and all that stuff
Roxanne says:
Ok. If you think you need to work on being responsible, then I am willing to accept your counter offer of punishment. That you keep the house clean from now until the Sunday after thanksgiving. With the agreement that if I have to nag you or you don't do it, that I will impose the punishment of not seeing John. Do you agree?
Mae says:
yes i agree
Roxanne says:
thank you for handling the house.

So, you can see why I ended up being proud of her after all. She really is a good kid. She works hard at her job - her boss loves her; she is a leader on her cheer squad; and overall she gets decent grades. She just needs to work on consistency. And I need to work on remaining calm and trusting that she will turn out to be a healthy and productive adult.